Happy on the inside

One month into the new school, and Suzanne has never been happier! This morning while she ate breakfast she said, " I'm so lucky! Today I have Dutch, English and my class picture!". I knew Suzanne wasn't at her best last year. But neither my husband nor I realized how sad Suzanne was. Until we saw how happy she is now!

Suzanne entered CE2 (French 3rd grade) and changed schools so should could be in section internationale. In Lille, that means either the private schools or Sophie Germain, a public school in the center of Lille. She left all her friends behind. But, it's been an empowering experience for her for a couple of reasons.

She rides her bike to school on most days - with us along side of course! But that makes her feel confident and proud. She's made tons of new friends. Which also is a major confidence builder. And, last but not least, she is the best English speaker in her class. But she's far from being overconfident and full of herself about it. She's just happy...and I didn't realize the social pressure was so heavy for her at her old school. I don't really take it as a parenting failure, but look at it as Suzanne's strength of character : she was putting up with a lot and got through it! Every child needs a secret garden so I don't blame her for not telling us how sad she was.

She says that only 2 other kids in the English class speak fluent English. But I can already see what she's learning. In the first week alone, she learned how to write the date in English. In my quest to get my kids to speak, I overlooked such a small thing like the date. She can speak almost perfectly, but doesn't know the date! She's learned how to write the numbers up to 20, write the colors, and she's also doing art in English. It's really an amazing opportunity!

Let the bilingual adventure continue!

Bilingual brain in action

Suzanne : "Mommy, I'm going to read La Famille trop d'filles before I go to bed"
Max: Mommy, why are there too many girls?

And just like that, bilingualism is easy in our family.

I finally went into Max's class today. I'd practically begged his teacher to invite me into the class since the beginning of the year. and he finally did it on his own terms. He invited 3 non-French parents in to each do a week based on the same three things : a flag, a home and a song.

And the kids were great as always. We learned the colors of the flag and the beginning of the wheels on the bus. Then we finished up with dried cranberries, which most of them liked.

The maître conveniently forgot to tell me that there would also be observers : a language and a music consultant for the rectorat (the school board). All year, here I've been thinking he didn't trust me and there he is using me to showcase his big project. I was flattered. But enough about me and my ego.

I spoke to the two consultants post-lesson when the kids were in the toilettes and I was surprised about the questions they asked like  he doesn't get confused? And I realized once again how little people know about bilingual. And in the end, it's so natural for most people.

One of the reasons I like going into the classes - besides getting a major high - is that it somehow normalizes the whole difference of bilingual thing. And I hope it makes being bilingual cool and makes my kids' differences acceptable.

So I'll say it again to reassure all the other bilingual parents that it all works out in the end !

Accents, etc

As I type these words, my mother is on the plane back to NJ. Or at least I hope so after a 24 hour delay at CDG! Better her than me and my 2 kids is what I say!

Three weeks is a long time. But it's also a short time. As with previous visits from my parents, I like to try to pick up on some of the linguistic challenges and changes that I see in my kids and in myself.

1) community language - both of my kids have understood the OPOL rule from the start. while Suzanne has always understood that English=Mom, her friends and her environment, Max had a lot of trouble understanding that the community language was not always French. Last summer it took him 2 weeks to speak English to people in stores in NJ. But while we were in England a couple weeks ago, I only heard merci once or twice. Go Max!

2) literacy - A couple days ago, we got word that Suzanne would continue on to second grade next year (CE1 - classe élémentaire 1). Compétences aquises. My daughter can read in French, although she has yet to take a book and read it for pleasure. But what she does love is writing. She writes all the time.  She writes in French. She writes in English which is pretty incredible because she's taught herself (as I've said before, I decided not to teach her reading or writing in English until she'd learned French). Yay Suz! (Max is also starting to write a little).

3) accent - While Suzanne's accent is purely New Jersey, Max continues to speak with a slightly gutteral almost Germanic accent in both French and English. His consanants are a bit too harsh and his vowels are a bit too open. His kindergarten speech evaluation noted "leger accent compte tenu de sa mère américaine". What the teach doesn't know though is that Max also has an accent in English. I wonder what the teacher would make of that? As for my accent, I noticed that it became more American while my parents were here but became more English when we went to English. Strange.

4) sentence structure - the kids continue to use French structure in their English at times. The main problem seems to be with prepositions and irregular verbs. All in all though, you'd never know they were not native English speakers.

So, let's just pat me and my husband on the back for a job well done. And thank my parents for a nice visit.

Bilingual reading

It's been a while...but not for lack of substance. Just lack of time and motivation which I'm sure has something to do with the sub-arctic temperatures we're having...

For the past few months, I've been thinking about Suzanne's reading. Before she started to learn to read, I wondered a lot about how I could help her to read in French. Did it mean that I'd have to speak French to her? That she'd stop speaking English to me? That'd I'd compromise all the bilingual work we've done over the past almost 7 years?

She's now 3/4 of the way through her first year of CP (first grade) and the answer to all of the above questions is "no". I have compromised nothing of my daughter's bilingualism and she's reading in French !

The first question I asked myself was : how will I help her with her homework? Somehow, the answer came naturally. Of course, I have some trouble explaining the difference between an open and closed "u", etc. At first, I felt a little funny speaking to her in French, but then she also felt funny about it. so we settled into a comfortable routine of the work in French and the explanation in English. Quite simply...

The second thing that I was worried about was how I could help her learn to read in French if I only read English books to her. After reading a lot on the subject and talking to other bilingual parents, I decided not to teach her to read in English until she knows how to read in French. Since she's a bit hesitant about actually reading in French - only looking at pictures - I began to wonder if our evening English book reading was more of a hindrance. So I came up with a plan : I read a book to her in English and then we read a book in French together, sharing the dialogue. Reading to Suzanne in French is a sore point for me, but it's the only way I could think of to motivate her to read on her own. We also came across the Captain Underpants series which I read to her in English and then gave to her in French to read on her own before she turns out her light.

Rest assured, bilingual parents. Her English has not suffered. And I continue to be ultra strict in speaking only English to her. But come on, the kid is almost 7. She knows I speak French even if she is constantly correcting me.

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My kids continue to speak English together which still makes me so incredibly happy ! They interpose French grammar on their English. Specific examples are :

what are you looking? - (qu'est-ce que tu regardes)
Lola has some black hair and some green eyes - Suzanne (Lola a des poils noirs et des yeux verts)

But they also continue to interpose English grammar in their French
Papa, il est temps de manager - Suzanne (it's time to eat)
Je vois une bleue voiture  - Max (I see a blue car)

Selective Correction Syndrome (or when to correct your kids' mistakes)

"Listening to Max speak English gives insight into how bilingual kids use language." Our dear American babysitter has a point : Max's English is very French.

It's true that as they kids have gotten older and the whole One Parent One Language thing has become old hat, we've become slightly immune to their language faults. And I have to admit that I have become lax when it comes to speaking perfect English since my own English is very tainted. for most of the past 9 years, I've been the only native English speaker in an office with people from a dozen country where the working language is English. So I suffer from selective correction syndrome in which I no longer hear things like "can we play at cards?" or "they spent five hundreds of euro."

Some of the mistakes my kids make will work themselves out in time, if they spend enough time with other native speakers. But most of the mistakes they continue to make - despite being perfectly bilingual - have to do with French grammatical structure. But what reassures me as the minority language speaker in the house, is that there is similar cross-over from English to French.

When I think about my own approach to learning language and to teaching it (in my previous life), I always put emphasis on understanding and being understood. that may be one of the reasons I don't correct my kids as much as I should. But for kids, maybe it is important to be corrected to avoid fossilisation of their mistakes. Just as Suzanne humiliates me in front of her classmates by saying "ma maman dit le quand c'est la". But then again, it's probably best NOT to disgust them by correcting them constantly...

I'm curious about how other parents handle the sensitive issue of correcting their kids' language mistakes...any advice?

Pat yourself on the back!

As I was thinking about what to write (so many unfinished and overlapping thoughts in my head these days!), I read a couple of the older posts I wrote about my kids and their bilingualism. And it came to me...

I used to be so worried (and still am to a certain extent) about how to make being American part of their daily lives, not just the language but also the culture. Over the past week, I've realized how much English and being American has become and IS an integral part of who my children are and of their daily experiences.

I mentioned that I am going into Suzanne's class to do some "American" lessons. Since one of her teachers already does English lessons with them, I decided not to teach English but to do lessons on American culture (also since that's the only guidance I got from the teacher). Last week during the lesson on Thanksgiving, some of the kids remembered my Thanksgiving lesson from a couple years earlier. And when I took out the cranberries for them to taste, one of them even said, "oh c'est pas bon ça!" because she remembered tasting them. Suzanne continues to be unfazed by speaking English in front of her entire class and even wants to get up in front of the class with me to help. I actually had to translate what she was saying to me so her class would understand. The other day, after taking my kids to the Hanukkah party organized by the Lille synagogue (for another post), she said to me with great pride, "I"m French, English and a little Jewish.". American, not English...she still has trouble with the whole English language versus English person thing. 

Then on Saturday, Max's school had their annual Christmas party which starts with the kids all singing Christmas songs (so NOT politcally correct) and ends with the parents taking home some useless object made by their kid in class (this year I got a tree made out of cotton balls and a paper tube and a framed picture of Max). As the songs went on, the principal introduced a song by saying"initiation aux langues étrangères" and the kids started singing "Jingle Bells". I lit up. Why? Because that song is my legacy! When Suzanne was in her first year of school, I came into her class everyday for 2 weeks to teach them that song so they could sing it at the Christmas party. And the song lives on even though I didn't teach it. As I continued on my American high, while helping sell the baked goods, a mother asked me what I'd made...because she wanted to eat my cakes because they are so damn good. My American baked good are a staple of the weekly bakesale.

When I got home from the school party, I realized that this whole bilingual and bicultural thing is normal for my kids and for everyone around us. Yes, people are sometimes insensitive or uneducated about bilinguals and/or Americans, but mostly, people see it in a positive light and accept that this is how our family functions.

So please, bilingual parent, take a second to pat yourself on the back. You are doing a great job!

Welcome terrible 3s.

We got out of it lucky...what we made up for in lack of terrible 2s, we are now suffering through wit hte terrible 3s. And they are terrible.
Since school started in September, Max has been a bit difficult. He is still a sweet, cute and very entertaining little person. But he is also a total pain in the ass....especially around 3 in the morning.

We tried talking to him but he still comes upstairs to our room because he can't find his pacifier/his stuffed animal/has a runny nose/wants me to take his CD player out of the room/ etc...and last night we had screaming and kicking because we refused to go downstairs to "help" him find his stuff.

Besides the sleeping though, everything's on target. Max is still speaking with an accent in both French and English. One of Jerome's friends actually put his finger on it : his cadence and annonciation in French are purely American (not German like we thought). And in English, he just has a slightly French twang.

But still, I never imagined that my kids would still be speaking 99% English to me at 6 1/2 and 3! And I never imagined that they'd still LIKE speaking English and want to learn more!

I no longer keep a language journal for either of them, which I sometimes regret because they come up with some amazing expressions, but they speak so much that I couldn't possibly record everything they say.

Suzanne is starting to read in French and trying to transpose her French reading into English. But we're not pushing the English reading. It will come. At the moment, I am constantly correcting sentences like, "what is it like pasta" which comes from the French "c'est quoi comme pâte". And yesterday, I heard her say "it's find" as in it's good or satisfactory so I found myself explaning the difference between when something is good and something is found. She insists on correcting me when I say "saw" like "Mommy, I sawed it".  She also takes pleasure (I can tell by the twinkle in hereye) at correcting my French and her especially her brother's English.

Max, being 3, is still taking a lot of liberty with both English and French, saying a lot of "yaourt" as the French say when refering to lyrics of a song that you don't know all the words to so you make them up.  And Max is also effusive with his language which can be very sweet or not. It's extremely sweet when he says things like "I like you so much that I love you." And not so sweet when he furrows and brow and says "I'm very angry!" and throws himself on the ground.

But the most interesting part of their bilingualism is how different they are, which shouldn't surprise me but does. Suzanne continues to breeze in and out of each language, code switching without a problem but also inventing words and interposing structures (interlanguage) while Max code switches at the drop of a hat and never would think of creating his own vocabularly. If Suzanne doesn't know how to say something in English, she says it in French. If Max doesn't know how to say something in English, he just doesn't say it. I'm hoping that Max's stubborness is more linked to the terrible 3s than it is to his personality...but I'm not holding my breath.

The provincial city of Lille

One of the advantages of being technically French is that I can complain about the French and not feel guilty about it because I am technically one of them...

So the other day when my good friend B and I were having lunch, she was talking about how ignorant people in Lille are in regards to bilingual and bicultural people. She was saying that, as a child of English parents having grown up in France, she's still amazed and annoyed at the ignorant comments people make, in particular when they are supposed to be internationallyy-minded like in a large corporation where she used to work.

And it got me thinking about my situation and how often people make silly comments to my bilingual children, usually out of ignorance although they are good natured people (I think).

For instance, every single time I go to the chicken butcher, they say without fail, "Ca doit être dificile pour eux." And without fail, I say "well, no it's actually easy for them."

Or how many times do I hear, "oh do they speak French too?" and when I respond that their French is better than their English, people look at me like I'm obviously not right in the head. How is it possible?

I may be a bit harsh, because unless you speak another language or have been exposed to bilinguals, you can't understand the mechanisms involved in being bilingual or raising bilingual kids. I can only speak for my kids (and maybe some of my friends) but we are strict with the languages and so are the kids. It's contributed to their linguistic balance and strength. And it also accounts for their reactions to the ignorant comments they hear.

For example, I read that bilingual kids associate one language per person. And I've seen this in action many times. For instance, a bilingual wife of a friend came over a while ago and for some reason Max decided she was an English speaker despite the fact that she was speaking French, her stronger langauge, to everyone. So, Max spoke to her in English. On the other hand, I also read that bilingual kids can't stand when someone tries to speak to them in the "wrong" language. Like Max's teacher...Every morning, Max's teacher says to him, with a very strong French accent, "hello, is everything good?" and at the end of the day he says, "be quiet" ie don't worry. And Max just looks at him because I don't think he 1) understands why this dude is speaking English and 2) isn't sure if it actually is English. It just doesn't compute, you know?

I'll admit that I am intolerant of ignorant people and I get my back up too easily. So when people say things to me like, "oh does he speak French too?" it pisses me off because, duh, we live in France so yes he does. Or when someone says to me in French, "Vous êtes anglaise ou américaine?" and then in repsonse to my reply they say, "ça s'entend", I get pissed off. What does that mean that I sound American? Because I'm lmoud and obnoxious? He probably just means that I don't sound English but didn't want to offend me just in case I am English. Or when the guy from aikido starts immitating my accent, I feel like punching him (but that is slightly aggressive)...

I also don't like having to defend myself...people just don't understand, or even try to understand, that raising your children bilingually requires a certain amount of rigidity. So when I'm at a social gathering, I've actually come to preface my interactions to my children with a general, "I don't mean to be rude, but my children and I communicate in English, etc etc". That's not to say that I am exclusive. When we are at social gatherings, I translate everything essential and do sometimes speak to my children in French in the third person, but never directly. I just can't. On the other hand, I understand how it could be perceived as being rude or exclusive.

So back to my original thought : Lille is provincial. I realized that despite all of the above, I don't mind Lille so much or feel how small it actually is. I don't feel restricted because I've found a job that's clearly not franco-français, where I speak English all day, have a Dutch boss, share an office with people from 3 different countries, and have been lucky enough to make friends who are either bicultural like my family or just plain open-minded.

And that is something I am really thankful for...

French school : so far so good

I've been a bit remiss about writing my blog recently. It's just been hard to find time to write. I am definitely not lacking in inspiration but I am  lacking time at the moments I actually feel inspired!

There is a lot to write about, but this blog is not the correct forum to write about knee surgery and the such so I'll stick to what I know: my kids and living in France.

La rentrée was almost a month ago now and I'm pleased to say that both kids have adapted well. Back to school night was last week, although in France it's not called that and in the case of Max's school it was on Saturday morning. In both cases, I was pleased to see how seriously education is taken in France and how open the teachers seem on a personal level and in terms of curriculum, although they do have certain administrative obligations which they too find too stringent.

Suzanne actually has two teachers, both of whom are youngish (about my age). There were two things that surprised me as I sat in my daughter's undersized desk in the front row of her classroom, besides the fact of how crowded it was! : parents are worried and parents are controlling. I'm not saying I'm not either of those things, but I'm not one of THOSE parents. I really felt good about handing my little girl over to these two highly capable teachers, even in France. In fact, I was almost shocked when parents were actually concerned that there were 2 teachers! And I loved Mme B's   to the parent who asked WHY she didn't work a full week. I could tell she wanted to say it's none of your damn business but she didn't. The Friday teacher Mme G will be teaching the kids English as part of the curriculum so I''ve already expressed my interest.

In terms of bilingual reading and writing, after much thought and discussion with friends, we've given our daughter's written education to French first in order not to confuse her. I was reassured in our decision when Mme B said that in her experience, once the kids can decode one written language, they use the same tools to figure out another. The other bilingual parent in the class asked the question, not me. Because, unlike us, he's not as much as a stickler for the OPOL rule as we are in our family. So I felt good. I also felt overwhelmed by what the kids have on the curriculum this year: geometry, a 3 week intensive swimming course, reading and writing. And also by what they have on their curriculum in only a limited way: music and art. In France, the elementary teacher does everything : art, reading, math, civics...you name it! That's why I'm so glad Suzanne has 2 teachers. AT good old Nishuane School, we had specialized teachers which was both enriching for us and also gave us a break from our main teacher. The real challenge will come when Suzanne has mastered reading in French. And then I begin to teach her English and American history which she is definitely lacking in.

She was perusing  a book on MLK in her bedroom the other night when I heard her call out, "Mommy, is Obama dead?" At which point I had to explain to her the importance of MLK, Rosa Parks and segregation. When I realized how much a part of American and not French history that is, I felt a bit overwhelmed...

Max's integration has also been a success, although he told me he hit someone and was punished. His first day reminded me a lot of Suzanne's : he sauntered into class and settled in while watching the other kids cry just as Suzanne had. When we asked why he didn't cry, his response was the same as Suzanne's when she first started school : because I'm big. I take this as a huge parenting success. It shows that we've installed enough self-confidence and trust in our kids that they know there is nothing to worry about because they trust us.

He also told me his Mr. Potato Head looked like his teacher...oops. for Max, the transition from crèche to school was made easy by the fact that his best friends have come with him. His teacher has already said that they are inseparable, which is both good and bad as they tend to draw each other into naughty-ville.

Max also has two teachers which is great, especially since she can bring a little more kindness compared to Mr. Potato Head. Both teachers have a similar approach which is interesting as an American. They are both open to my participation in class, reading stories or something. And the teacher also said Max continues to use American grammar when speaking French, which I guess I've grown immune to at this point.

From the very start, the goal of la maternelle is to prepare the children for literacy in every sense. Even their art projects are geared at teaching them how to draw their circles correctly so they can later write their letters correctly. This is also where the French education system gets to me. The kids do not have enough creative freedom or space for personal expression because everything has a purpose. On the other hand, they are learning a lot right from the start.

So far so good...

May story time and Max speaks franglais

I'm extremely excited to announce the dates for he May storytime for a couple of reasons. First because storytime is cool. Second because storytime is super cool this month because we'll be doing a special edition and third because Multilingual Living published an article I wrote about storytime.

So the dates: the normal Wednesday storytime will take place on May 23rd at 3:30pm at the Wazemmes library. Then, we'll have a special storytime at Gare  Saint Sauveur on May 26th at 2:00pm. There is a book fair and lots of special events going on so we're part of the festivities. It's really exciting because Stéphane Servant, the author of Le Machin/The Thing, will be there for sign books. So he'll hopefully get to see what we've done with his dual language book.

I promise it will be so very cool.

Since story time has really taken off, I contacted Multilingual Living, a really amazing webzine on all aspects of multi-lingual life. And the result is this article that I hope will be helpful to anyone else looking for ideas on how to increase the multi-lingual presence in your life. So here it is: Bilingual Storytime.

On another note, Max is increasingly proficient in franglais. I've previously said that Max doesn't mix his languages...and he didn't until the past couple weeks. I'm not sure what happened, maybe it's just the age where he's trying to say more things and doesn't have the words or grammar to do so in a single language. or maybe he's finally decided that not everything is black and white and can't be compartmentalized. In the past week I've heard Max use English grammar in French sentences a few times and use a couple of words in the wrong language. For example, he said "je veux les" to his grandparents which is a perfect translation of "I want them" (and he really did want those chips!). He also said "C'est pas droit" to his grandmother when she put on his boot. She thought it was funny because it wasn't right as in the direction (ie left and right) but what he meant was literally "it's not on right" ie the sock was scrunched up in his boot and it didn't feel right.

Another thing to note is that the kids spent all weekend with their grandparents speaking French. When I spoke to Suzanne on the phone yesterday, her English sounded French. It was very strange and interesting to see how quickly her language adapted.

Oh, tower of babble...

The good enough mother

I have to admit, I've been struggling lately. It used to be that I was so consumed by my kids' bilingualism that I had a definite focus. There are obviously other parts of parenting that are important to me and consume me with emotion and worry at times. And there are obviously other aspects to my kids : they are more than just little bilingual robots.

A while ago, there was an article in Multilingual Living called Stop Taking Your Child's Bilingualism So Personally (I can't seem to find it but when I do, I'll post it here). It really spoke to me. And I am happy to say that in terms of child rearing, we aced that one (baring all adolescent identity crises). And the bilingual aspect of the child rearing is the ONE thing I no longer worry about.

I'm a perfectionist, a control freak and lack self-confidence. Without going into the details of all my personal baggage, well, it's hard to be a parent. My parental manifesto is simple: if you love your children and if they know that you love them unconditionally, they will forgive you all your mistakes. But is this enough?

For the past few months, I've been seeing a therapist. Recently, I've gotten so scared that my children, especially my daughter, will pick up some of my unhealthy behavior (ie body image and self-confidence issues). So I decided to stop trying to solve everything all on my own and turned to someone for help.

As I've begun opening up to Dr. D (and let me tell you doing therapy in your second language is not the easiest thing!), I've realized a lot of things. I've realized that I'm repeating "bad" behviors despite myself because that's what I know; I've realized that I can't control everything; I've realized that I am a good parent; I've realized that I'm a good person; and I've realized there's no such thing as a perfect mother. The "good enough mother" or ze goot enuf muzer as Dr. D says, is a a theory by Donald Winnicott, an English psychotherapist. There is no perfect mother. And if there was, you wouldn't want to be that because then you'd be untouchable to your kids. And that defeats the point of it all!

So it's ok for me to buy prepackaged food for my kids (something I don't do because I love cooking and because I place a heavy emotional attachment on food that comes from my upbringing). It's ok to show your kids you are imperfect and make mistakes. And it's ok if your kids aren't invited to everyone's birthday party because you can't be friends with everyone. Just because Gaëlle or Zöe don't invite her doesn't mean you have failed as a mother.

So this brings me back to what I know I've done right (when I say "I", I don't mean to exclude my husband who obviously has contributed a major part of parenting). I've created loving, caring, and gracious little people who always say" thank you" and "please". I've created curious little beings who aren't scared to ask questions. I've created kids who love giving and receiving hugs. I've created happy kids, who cry, who scream and sometimes roll on the floor, but who aren't scared to laugh and smile. And mostly, I've created future adults who I'll be proud of, no matter what they become. And I hope they will forgive me for being imperfect.

OPOL: when your 6 year old sounds like an adolescent

"Papa? pendant que tu es debout, peux-tu me prendre un verre d'eau?" My husband and I looked at each other when this came out of our almost 6 year old's mouth. Isn't that a complete franglais translation of the English sentence : while you're up, can you get me a glass of water? My husband said that no, in fact it was correct but not something you'd expect to hear out of the mouth of your almost 6 year old daughter.

This is a regular occurrence in our house, both the transfer of English grammar to French sentences, and the adult-sounding sentences coming out of the mouths of babes.

I've mentioned many (many!) times, that we are strict followers of OPOL. My husband sometimes speaks English to the kids (like 5 sentences a month) but I NEVER speak directly to my kids in French and rarely engage in French activities (like watching French movies) with them. Both kids know the difference between French and English and are both fully bilingual. So, after almost 6 years as a parent, I can finally let down my guard a little. My kids laugh hysterically when my French husband, who is as bilingual as I am, speaks English to the kids. My son even reprimands his father for speaking English because it's not his language: "Papa tu parles pas anglais!" But when I speak French in front of my kids, they look at me like deers in headlights as if they can't even process what I'm saying to them.

The funny thing about being the sole source of the minority language is that kids pick up all your idiosyncrasies and language ticks. And they end up sounding exactly like you, but smaller. My kids interact with other bilingual kids, themselves products of OPOL homes. When we get them together, we hear a mini Michigander, Floridian, Ohioan, Londonian and New Jerseyite playing barbie using big words and long sentences.

My husband and I don't use baby words with our kids, which can bring about some VERY uncomfortable situations. Like the time my daughter mentioned her vagina to her pre-school teacher. The teacher was so shocked by the actual word vagin coming out of a 3 year old's mouth, that she couldn't even discuss the issue (it was nothing).  So with our son currently being potty trained, I've decided to use the French baby word zizi and zézette instead of the technical terms I would usually use. This will hopefully save us and him - very boisterous and loud as he is - from some highly embarrassing situations. Back to the point of this post...

My kids will be spending 2 months in the US this summer. With Max starting French schooling and Suzanne entering French 1st grade in the fall, it seems like the perfect time to solidify their English while playing with real, monolingual American kids! Suzanne will be going to day camp - you know the kind where they load them into the yellow school bus at 8am, bring them to a local lake, they do dream catchers and drink boxes of milk, and bring them back dirty and exhausted at 4pm. She'll be with my best friend's little girl which is an added bonus. Max will be doing 2 weeks at a local nursery school where he'll be able to practice his bullying skills in English.

And I will, hopefully, be working on my new project while absorbing some much needed New Jersey air.

I haven't found the solution so my kids actually sound like kids in English, but I guess it's not really a problem since one day they will be bilingual adults.

England: that little island to the North

I love all the vacation the kids get in France, but it's too much for working parents. So, it's become a tradition that my Mom visits during the February vacation and takes care of Suzanne and sometimes Max.

Last year, we made the huge, enormous, grave mistake of not going away at all in February which left us with very, um, how can I say this nicely, surly children by the time April vacation rolled around. Since we aren't even planning April vacation this year (with 2 months in the US this summer. Yeehaw!), it was a necessity to at least pretend like we were going on vacation in February...

There's this island, not too far from Northern France. It's call England and it's a pretty nice place. And it's really actually very close!

So, last Friday we loaded 2 kids, my mom, my good friend B and myself into the car to catch the ferry in Dunkerque (or Dunkirk if you prefer). We opted for the ferry for two reasons : 1) less time crammed into my little car and 2) trick the kids' brains into thinking that we were really going on vacation. It was the perfect solution! 

The kids played in the kids' section of the boat for 2 hours and when we landed in Dover, we were in England. I was so excited to bring my mom to England (since she'd never really been) and to introduce her to pub food and Marks and Spencers. I was also excited for the kids to be in an English speaking environment for a couple days. 

Our first stop was the Jackdaw, a lovely old pub in Denton. The platters were so copious that none of us had dessert which I kind of regret because I really wanted to try syllabub if for nothing other than the name. We wobbled out of the pub and drove to Canterbury, parking at the Park and Ride at New Dover Road where you pay 2£50 for all day parking plus bus into the center of town. We spent the afternoon walking around, looking at the Cathedral from as close as possible without paying the 9£50 entrance fee. We had afternoon tea at Tiny Tim's, a very old tea house that my kids will probably never be allowed back into because all they wanted to do was find a playground so they were incapable of using their indoor voices. We never did find the playground in Canterbury, but they did run around with B in the square outside the supermarket while I bought sandwiches for their dinner.

We arrived at the Woolpack Inn in the dark, but I could immediately see that I'd found a gem. The Woolpack Inn is a 600 year old inn and pub located in the beautiful little village of Chilham. We stayed in the family room which was affordable and spacious (and I managed to spend most of the night without a child in my bed). After feeding the kids sandwiches and baby carrots for dinner, we went to drink pints of beer in comfy armchairs by the fireplace while my kids were locked in a room sleeping across the patio. The atmosphere was warm and cozy and the food was scrumptious.

The next day, we discovered the playground with actual swings (something nonexistent in France) just down the street from the inn. We spent the afternoon in Whitstable which turned out to be the only sunny party of our weekend. The kids played with the snails stuck in the tide pools on the beach, collected shells and rocks from the gorgeous pebble beach and then we went for afternoon tea at a lovely tea house with wonderfully yummy cakes made with rich cream and strawberries. We got back to the inn, ate a yummy dinner in the pub, put the kids to sleep and then drank more beer.

We woke up Sunday morning to heavy rain. We paid a short visit to the Badger Hill's Farm : a nice little shop where you can buy various country products, they serve tea and cake, there's a play ground and there's a little zoo. But it was raining so we just bought a pint of hard cider to bring back to France, said hi to the rheas and got on the road towards Dover.

We planned on visiting Dover castle before boarding the ferry but it cost the equivalent of 10 pints of beer so we saw it from very afar (much to Suzanne's dismay). We then spent a rather large chunk of time at the supermarket stocking up on cheese (yummy Davidstowe cheddar) and then sat in the car eating lunch while the rain came pouring down as we waited for the ferry. As we pulled out of the Port of Dover, Suzanne and Max stood at the window of the boat waving ,"Bye England."

Visiting England these days is almost like going home. When I first went to England as a student, I couldn't understand it because it was like they took my culture and twisted it in a way I couldn't quite understand. But now, it seems like the longer I stay away from the US, the closer I feel to English culture because (I guess) it's closer to my roots than French culture is. Even watching TV and shopping in the supermarket were closer to American experiences than to French experiences. I'm sure other American expats will understand when I say it's almost like a relief and a weight off my shoulders when I arrive in England.

One of the reasons to spend time in England was to immerse the kids for a couple days. Suzanne, having been to the US in her recent memory, knows about English speaking countries. But Max literally has no clue. Max spoke to everyone in French, except his immediate entourage, since it's clearly his social language. I explained to him a couple times that in England, people speak English like Mommy (sort of). By the end of the 3 days, I heard him say "thank you" instead of "merci" one time.

Here are some practical links for a nice weekend around Canterbury:

Dunkirk-Dover ferry  : DFDS ferries

The Woolpack Inn in Chilham

Badger's Hill Farm and Cidery

Whitstable and it's lovely beaches

The Jackdaw pub with its yummy food (save room for dessert!)

Dover Castle looks better from afar

Canterbury is awesome for shopping

Tiny Tim's Tearoom in Canterbury

Chilham Castle is open once a month for visits.

Bilingual siblings: a different story

When I read this article about bilingual siblings in Multilingual Living, it got me thinking about how my children's relationship with their languages differs so much.

Suzanne is now 5 1/2 and I can't believe that her English is so good. Until her brother was born, she only heard English 2 hours a day, yet English was her first and strongest language. Her brother Max, now 2 1/2, was different though.

We strictly adhere to OPOL for both children, yet Max spoke French. Suzanne spoke English to Max and Max continued to speak French. Last spring, I was dismayed when I returned from a 2 day work trip and Max only spoke French to me. But then he spent 3 weeks with my mother during her summer visit. And then it all clicked for him.

Now that both of my children have found their bilingual-selves, it's interesting to see their relationships to the language.

For Suzanne, bilingualism was always so "normal". She was never overly concerned with the distinction between French and English because that's just how it is. She speaks some Franglais, she made up some inter-language such as waleau (a combination of water and l'eau) or applying English grammar to French verbs.  At one point she translated everything I said so her father woult understand. But Suzanne just has a feeling for language and knows that she speaks English and French.

But Max needs to separate the languages. He is structured in most everything he does, he becomes extremely distraught when he breaks something and doesn't like things to be out of place. And this type of personality trait carries over into his language use. Unlike Suzanne, Max does not mix languages, create an inter-language or use any Franglais. If Max doesn't know a word, he just doesn't say anything whereas Suzanne used to use periphrases.

Last week, my husband offered Max a drink, "veux-tu du ginger ale?" Max looked at his father and said, "toi pas anglais papa." He was very upset that his father had said "ginger ale" because it is an English word. When Max and I speak English, if there are non-English speakers in the room, he translates for the general public. When I pick him up at the nursery school, he translates for the caretakers so they are part of our conversation.

Another interesting point is how the kids interact. Because Suzanne has always spoken English with me and because she spends more time with me and Max than with her father (because my schedule is more flexible), she speaks mostly English to her brother. Suzanne plays by herself in English or French, depending on the game, but Max plays in French. However, a few weeks ago, I heard my kids upstairs arguing about something. Suzanne was saying to her brother, "get down Max." But he obviously wasn't listening. So she told him the same thing in French. It was the first time I'd heard her do that, like she was using the other language in case he didn't understand.

Max usually speaks English to Suzanne. When I put him to bed the other day, I told him to say goodnight to Papa and Suzanne. Max said, "bonne nuit Papa. goodnight Suzanne." Interestingly, both kids speak English to the cats...

Another point is the influence that Suzanne has had on her brother's English.  I always knew I'd be the main influence in my kids' English. Suzanne sounds so much like me, with my intonation, that sometimes I feel like I'm hearing myself.  I also knew Suzanne would be my greatest ally but I underestimated the impact Suzanne would have on Max's English. Sometimes I think she has had as much, if not more, of an influence on his English that I have.

I'm not sure what all of this means. But it does show that the kids' personalities have rubbed off on their bilingual beings. By this, I mean that their relationship with both of their languages and how they handle them is linked not only to their relationship with me and their father and the outside world but also with their individual personality traits.

Now if I could just figure out where the volume button is on my kids, I'd be really happy.

Max : blabbermouth at 30 months

Over the weekend, we were invited to an American birthday party : L turned 5 and she invited Suzanne and Max to her party. Max and the other littles ones ran crazy most of the time while the bigger kids did fun games with the animateur. At one point, I said to my friend that this was proably the first time the kids' all realized that they each spoke French. But we agreed that they would probably still continue to speak English together because they always have (we've all known each other since the kids were tiny and usually get together without our French counterparts).

As we were leaving the birthday, I told Max to wish L a happy birthday. So he said, in his big loud voice, "Happy Birthday L!". And one of the parents looked at me and said, "Max can talk? I mean, I've never heard him speak." I was agast. I mean, Max not speaking? He's a regular chatty cathy (or the boy version of that). After the party, we went to A's house to let the kids play a little. Max was playing with 6 year old M who was showing him the bongo drums (oh boy something to hit!). Max said to her, as she put them on the desk, "put it on the floor." M turned to me and her mother, "He can speak!".  And I began to realize that Max is actually kind of reserved...outside of his close circle.

At 30 months, Max is a blabber mouth. As my dear husband says, "il remplit l'espace sonore" (he fills up the sonor space). And does he...Not only does he have a deep voice, but he is constantly blabbing about something or other to the great dismay of his sister who can't get a word in edgewise. There is one recurrent sentence at our house at the moment and it comes from Suzanne, "Max, I was talking! waaaaaa!" (that last bit is crying from frustration).

Max has no problem going between languages, but he favors French unlike his sister at the same age. Max is constantly singing songs from the crèche and talking to himself in french, whereas Suzanne used to play by herself in English. But, he speaks to his sister in English. Before putting Max to bed the other night, I told him to say goodnight. He said, "Bonne nuit Papa. Goodnight Suzanne."

He definitely has a slightly non-French lilt to some of his French, but he doesn't insert English words into his speech in quite the same way Suzanne did. I've heard him say things like "mon monster" instead of using the French monstre. But it's rare. As with Suzanne, he overlays his French with some English grammatical structures. For instance, he says "Abel papa" in French, using the structure of the English possessive "Abel's papa" instead of the French "le papa d'Abel". He also uses English adjective and noun order when speaking French like "bleue voiture" instead of "voiture bleue".

All in all, I am very proud of my son's progress and so is anyone who hears him speaking, in French or in English. His speech is "très bien" in French according to the director of the nursery school, especially for a bilingual boy (since those are two factors that can delay speaking). And his English is great. He knows most of his colors, can count to 11 (skipping over 5 through 7) and can express himself with or without tantrum. So to those who think my boy is quiet...tell me that at 5:19 AM when he comes into my room and says "time to get up Mommy," as he turns on the light and the radio. Or when he says, "I love you to moon and back" (quoting one of his favorite books, Guess How Much I Love You).

Max's terrible twos and counting.

You asked so I'll tell. Well, YOU didn't ask (since I'm not really sure anyone even reads this blog anymore!), but some people around me have been asking so I'll tell...

Max is 2 years and 3 months old and he's a firecracker, to say it nicely. Or as I often say to him, "it's lucky you're so damn cute." My son is a boy. Hard core boy. He throws, he hits, he tantrums (is that a verb) and boy does he eat! I don't think there is anything the child won't eat. Max is also a chatterbox.

This morning, one of my coworkers asked me if Max spoke English. Yes indeed I said proudly. Max's English level is actually better than his French because his English is more mature and doesn't include baby language.

When Max first began speaking, I remembering commenting on how precise he was.  Unlike his sister who would try to talk even if it wasn't perfect, Max won't say anything unless it is precise. when he speaks, in both French and English, you can tell he has taken time to formulate and think about what will come out of his mouth. And then, you can actually hear it in his breathing as he pushes the words out of his mouth (when he's not yelling at his sister that is).

So Max, at almost 2 and a half years old is not far behind his sister in verbal communication in both French and English. I have my mother's visit last summer to thank for the English push.

There are a couple points in Max's speech that I should comment on like his use of "mine" all the time. He confuses "mine" for the possessive adjective "my". He also has very gutteral speech and a way of rolling his "r" which makes him sound slightly German when he says things like "no Suzanne! Mine water"! He also has a slight lisp that I hope will go away with time. But so far it hasn't impeded him from making himself understood.

I love my kids dearly and am so proud of them. But, sometimes I wish they'd shut up.

How to recrute a babysitter : la suite

Over 3 years ago, I posted about harassing English speaking students in the park during my run. I was trying to recruit a babysitter for Suzanne who was nearly 1 at the time. The problem was that I wasn't quite ready for a babysitter yet.

Two years ago, when Max was one, J and I were on vacation and I was desperately craving a return to aikido at the rentrée. But...I couldn't allow myself. It took a very long discussion for me to come to a very simple conclusion : I couldn't leave my kids for an evening at aikido because every minute away from them meant that much less English. The solution was simple : hire an English speaker to take care of them once a week so I could go and know people to the ground once again (nb: aikido is a non-violent martial art that is extremely popular in France).

So, I turned to my blogging contacts and Elizabeth, a Lillloise living in the US, put me in touch with the local university. I told them I was looking for a sitter, they sent out an announcement to the exchange students and just like that we had a babysitter. This is the second year in a row we've hired an American to watch the kids once a week.

And I have to say that I wish we'd done it sooner. There are so many advantages that it makes me realize why au pairs are so popular. Obviously, I enjoy having time to myself, especially when there is minimal mommy guilt involved. But the advantage of having another native English speaker in my kids life is immeasurable. Because the babysitters don't speak French as well as someone who's been living here for a while, they don't speak French in front of my kids and so my kids don't even realize the sitter speaks any French at all. This is essential for bilingual kids, I've found.

Like many bilinguals I've read about, my kids are easily able to suss out who speaks what language. And if a person speaks the "wrong" language to them they either don't respond or respond in the "correct" language. So having another person around who speaks no French with them - since they obviously know I speak french - has been a real gift to them, especially since Max was only 1 when we hired our first babysitter.

So to any Americans in Lille, there is a huge number of American and Canadian students out there who are looking to make money. You can either get directly in touch with the university's foreign student coordination (I got in touch with the Catho). You can also go to the forum for assistants in France. Many language assistants are also looking for extra income.

The one thing you need to be careful of is to be extremely clear with the sitter that you want him/her to speak only English with your kids. We interviewed one girl who spoke French to our kids just after I explained just that; we didn't hire her.

Good luck!

My son thinks that the father in Knuffle Bunny is a mother. And it's all my fault...

The other night when Max handed me Knuffle Bunny to read before bedtime, I told him that I couldn't read it because it was in French, "papa's language". I showed Max the English copy and said "this is Mommy's". We read Knuffle Bunny, Knuffle Bunny Too and Knuffle Bunny Free all the while Max was pointing to the father in the story saying, "Mommy".

When Suzanne was his age, we would refer not to French and English but to Papa and Mommy's language often saying things like "how does papa say it?" when she used the other parent's langauge with the wrong parent. Suzanne seemed to take the information, file it away and be on to something new. But Max is different. Max is less analytical than his sister and more in the moment. So whatever we tell him, he puts into action immediately. So it's quite understandable that since there are two copy's of Knuffle Bunny in the room, and I told him one was Papa's language but they look exactly the same, so you could reason that the other book is Mommy's and therefore the papa in that book is also a mommy.

I often wonder how my children process their languages. It's an interesting phemonenon to see at the bilingual storytimes I do. You can see that the bilingual kids are happy to hear both languages because for them, their brains are already doing what the librarian and I are doing outloud.

And then there are the questions of why we speak English sometimes and why I don't speak French. A couple weeks ago, Suzanne asked me if we could speak English sometimes so we wouldn't go to prison. She seems convinced now taht we won't go to prison and that speaking English is pretty cool. But then yesterday, she asked me why I speak English better than I speak French. I explained to her that I didn't learn French until I was at school so I always spoke English at home with my family. I like her interest in other people's language capacities and find it rather reassuring that she is wondering about her own language skills. Because it's all so very normal for her to speak two languages so why isn't it for everyone else?

Kids are amazing...

Storytime : double whammy!

This week saw the double edition of storytime. On Wednesday, the group was composed of 10 6-8 year olds and my two little monsters and my friend Anne's bilingual kids. Suzanne pulled up a chair next to me and read her own books- although she enjoys storytime, it was understandably much less fun without any of her friends. Marie and I mostly reused some of the stories we'd done previously including Le Machin which works amazingly bilingually. but we also did "Three Billy Goats Gruff" from Yummy by Lucy Cousins. Her versions of the fairy tales are straight to the point and lend themselves well to split, bilingual reading. The group was enthusiastic and able to retain a certain number of words. The already had a good base which helped. Saturday's group was completely different. There were 4 kids plus my 2. All of the kids were between 3 and 6. Marie and I did some of the younger books including What Faust Saw, I Want My Potty, I Like Books and I'm Going on a Bear Hunt, the latter is a great exercise in otomotopea (isn't that a great word?!). The parents were enthusiastic and so is Marie, despite the issues the library is currently facing.

When we finished, she told me that there was an administrative mess up so storytime in November and December wouldn't apprear in the library agenda but that there would be flyers made for the library. She also told me that she didn't mind doing one Wednesday and one Saturday a month. I'm getting the feeling that she's enjoying storytime!

I wanted to do some Halloween stories but the library didn't have any that were easy enough to read to a mixed group of kids. Tant pis.

Other notable moments of the weekend included my distribution of Halloween fliers to all my neighboors at 11pm on Friday night in an attempt to remain visibly invisible. This is my attempt to bring Halloween to my street. One neighbor has already decorated her windows. Another told me that as long as kids didn't come ringing their bell and asking for candy, they would do Halloween. Um, yeah. My kids are extremely excited for Halloween. I've got to start working on Suzanne's ghost costume!

On Sunday, as the kids and I walked through the Wazemmes market square on our way back from visiting La Ferme des Dondaines, Suzanne asked me, "can we speak French together so people won't know we're English?" I decided not to correct her on the semantics of it - English versus American and the fact that I just physically cannot speak French to my kids. But when I asked her why she didn't want people to know we spoke English, she said, "because I don't want to go to prison." I then explained to Suzanne that in France, people don't get sent to prison for speaking a different language and that we should be proud to speak English AND French. I sometimes wonder how much the bilingualism adds to the insecure musings of the common 5 year old.

But seeing the semi-popularity of storytime, I don't think we need to worry about being imprisoned for a little while at least.

Full sentence...

And just like that, Max is speaking in full English sentences. Oh wait, if we go back a couple months and look at previous posts, it wasn't always so easy.

At the beginning of the summer, Max was speaking to me in French, remember? My parents arrived at the beginning on August and the kids have been living in near exclusively English since then. My mother noted that Suzanne is using contractions. This is big progress since, although Suzanne's English is as good as any native 5 year old's, it was still very formal. My daughter now says don't and won't.

When my parents arrived 2 weeks ago, they could understand him. He was beginning to put 2 words together like: big truck or cold water. But somewhere between last week and yesterday, Max began making sentences. Just this morning his said, "cup multifruit juice please mommy dear" followed up "want more sugar in it" and "gimme more cold water". So, I think I can start to relax. My son't English will be fine...

Max will be starting school next September and Suzanne will be going into First Grade where she'll learn to read and write in French. So, next summer, I'm hoping to spend a solid chunck on time in the US so we can reinforce English skills for both kids before they dive deeper into the French school system.

I've mentioned in the past my distaste for French education. A few months ago, my husband made a comment that I like to keep in the forefront of my tortured brain: we both went through seperate systems yet ended up at the same place. While I was in Paris last week, I was talking to an American married to a Frenchman who lives in DC. She is getting certified in Montessori. We were talking about our mutual aversion towards French eduction system with its public shaming and habit of breaking you down to build you back up. And we concluded that you can go to a Montessori school in the US and still feel inept. Or you can go to a French school in France and come out feeling good. Because it has a lot to do with what you have in your home life.

So, there's still hope....