unworries

It's 4.20 am. I'm 38 weeks pregnant (according to the French) with the arrival of baby boy being more or less imminent since what's more imminent than knowing that by August 16th, whether you or your body like it, your unborn son will be extracted from your body one way or another...

But I can't sleep. I'm tired. But I can't sleep. The cat woke me up. My husband woke me up. I slept on my left, I slept on my right. But in the end, I just got up because my unborn son stretched out some limb and unnaturally distended parts of my stomach that can be stretched no more...

I feel worried. Or not really. My brain just feels tired and so does my body. Growing a human is amazing but I'd really just like to meet him already and get past those first 3 horrible months that I know await us (but mostly me since, let's be honest here, men just don't do as much as women in this whole birthing/new born thing). And like most things in life, what worries me most is that I'm not worried (or maybe I am worried but I'm repressing it? I just need to worry to feel better but I'm not worried so I feel worse).

But there's so much to worry about - will Suzanne hate me for bringing home a little brother? Or will she hate me anyway because teenage girls hate their parents at one point or another? Will my son be colorblind (50% odds that he will be)? Will we actually get everything finished in time for his arrival (probably but still I should be more stressed about the fact that his room is still empty, he has no bed and his clothes are in plastic bags strewn across various rooms of the house)? Will I find a childcare provider I like for him so I can go back to work in January? And I haven't even touched on the whole bilingual thing, breastfeeding, the stress a newborn puts on a marriage or the actual physical changes my body has gone through and I'd really like to reverse rather quickly...

So much to worry about, yet, I'm not worried. Just can't sleep. Uncomfortable. Impatient. And wide awake...oh how I'd love to be headed to Nantucket (my childhood summer haunt) for a week of biking, beach and ice cream.

So the question is what should keep you awake at night but doesn't?

And just for a moment of humor...

Save the cheese, save the world.

You might say I'm obsessed, as obsessed as anyone who is deprived of some of their favorite things could be. Sausage. Beer. Cheese. Cheese. CHEESE! No one does cheese better than the French- bacteria laden, stinky, oozy, foot smelling cheese.

So it really touched me when I learned that my roquefort-loving compatriots were petitioning President Obama to get past this stalemate. There are other blues out there, but nothing like the slightly acid, green-flecked cheese that only raw milk produced by sheep in the Lozere can make (read full letter from Congressman Oberstar of Minnesota here)


Adding insult to injury...

I am also deprived of the famous "WMD" from Northern France aka maroilles. For years, I've been told that once Europe gets their hands on the French cheese industry, maroilles would be one of the first to go. Being cheese* deprived for over 4 months now, and yes slightly obsessed, I was perplexed when Jerome came home one day with some PASTEURIZED Mont des Cats, a cheese made by monks in the Flanders. No, I said, but it CAN'T be pasteurized! Sacré bleu!

Yesterday as I was shopping for some maroilles to melt on some bread to fill the void (because melted raw milk is ok for pregnant women), I picked some up and, for some reason, read the label. LAIT PASTEURISé! I looked at my daughter in disgust who was equally looking at the cheese case in disgust since she hates cheese. I called my husband to announce the bad news. "You're calling me for this?".

Charles de Gaulle famously asked how one could govern a country that has over 2 million types of cheese (or something like that). So I'm thinking it's a conspiracy. Look at the facts. France was president of Europe in 2008. Cheese is being pasteurized left and right: camembert, Mont des Cats, Maroilles... and roquefort must not be too far down the line. Franco-American cheese relations have gone down hill with a 300% import tax on roquefort set by Bush Jr. It's Sarko's plan to take over the world...

I think I'll appeal to President Obama. I think he'll be interested in my cheese-conspiracy theory. And maybe it'll help that Congressman in Minnesota get his roquefort for dinner.

*refers to the unpasturized sort which is the only real kind

Socialized, universal health care and Michelle Obama's nice purple shirt

I've been hopelessly neglecting my blog and my blog reading, as anyone who still comes this way can see. But I have good reason.

The other morning as I watched the news during a flash of motivation to do some morning exercies (seeing as I don't have time for anything at the moment), I saw a warm and happy vision on the TV : Both houses of Congress aplauding Obama as he came to give his speech. There was a lovely pan onto Michelle who looked beautiful in deep purple. I was brought to tears as I half-heartedly did my squats.

Euronews mentioned that he spoke of socialized healthcare which really hit home. After my recent visit "home", I realized that health care (and vacations of course!) is the main issue that would keep me from living in the US unless I were independently wealthy.

During our three weeks in the US, we were all sick with sore (probably strep) throats but didn't dare go to the doctor. As soon as I was back, we went to the my kissy family doctor (who used the tu form with me by the way!) because it costs me nothing.

Which brings me to the state of pregnancy in France. When Amy over at Chtilins and Cambembert was pregnant with her 2nd one, she kept a running total of how much she paid or, in reality didn't pay since she actually made money being pregnant with the money the government gives you when you're pregnant. I wanted to do the same, but then realized, well I have nothing to report because I'm covered 100% until a couple months after the baby's birth. (Did you catch that or do I have to spell it out?) . At 4 months, I have had 2 ultrasounds, 3 blood tests, a test for markers of possible birth defects. And the only out of pocket expense I've had is 11€ for a pregnancy test. That's a damn cheap pregnancy so far.

There is a downside to all this as I'm sure you imagine. My regular doctor will follow me only until the 4th month at which point I will be followed at the hospital where I'm going to give birth. I have chosen a public hospital which means that I won't necessarily see the same mid-wife throughout the pregnancy (it's different at private clinics). And I don't know who will be there when I actually give birth. But if my experiences giving birth to Suzanne are any indication, it doesn't matter because everything went well...once I got past the fact that complete unknowns were doing intimate things to me.

So I say, go Obama! Go socialized health care! Go baby 2!

Semi-weaned and totally confused

When I picked up Suzanne from the nanny's yesterday,she told me that all went well until snack time. Suzanne was inconsolable. The nanny offered her more rice cake (my daughter is sugarfree) but she kept crying but wasn't hungry. The nanny thinks she wanted a bottle. So when we got home, we cuddled in bed with her "doggie" and some books. At dinner, I gave her a little cup with defrosted breastmilk in it (I have a frozen supply to use up). she gulped and gulped and then...burst into tears. She looked at me and said in one little look with a huge sob that she understood what was going on. At bed time, I nursed Suzanne.

The original plan was for last night to be her last evening nursing and then by the middle of next week, the morning nursing owuld be phased out. My good friend Bryony told me that it was probably worse for me than for Suzanne. I agree with that. But when I spoke to my mother she said, "Well, it seems she's telling you she's not ready."

So now I'm totally confused and wondering if maybe, just maybe, I shouldn't be totally weaning her yet. And maybe there is a way for us to continue a little longer, even though I'll be in Ireland for a couple days. Maybe she can have a bottle in the morning and night for 3 days while I'm gone. And when I get back, we can gradually finish the weaning.

Is there anyone out there in the blogosphere who can give me some advice? Please?!

Last year on this date :
I'm due the 23rd.But tonight's a full moon so maybe she'll come tonight (despite the fact that my cervix has not moved at all!) I know that if the baby hasn't come yet, then it's cause she's not ready to come. But I really really don't want them to induce!
She hasn't even dropped yet! but I do have less acid reflux that must be a sign of something. What the hell is she doing in there? I want her out! and now the midwife said that she'll be at least 3.5 kilos. And she stressed at least.

Birthday aftermath...

3 Americans+2 Brits + 1 Aussie+ bowling +1 vodka gimlet + 4 beers + 3 glasses of wine + Indian food+ baby screaming at 5:45am for 45 minutes. I'm doing well all things considered.

Now let's see what was going on a year ago today:

Me and my belly are hanging in there. I'm starting to get uncomfortable and not sleeping well - it's 1.30 and I'm still up. Nervous excitment and stuff I guess. Had a check up yesterday and everything is still closd, the baby hasn't dropped so I have massive heartburn as well as bladder issues. They also said that dynamic energetic women like myself tend to go full term. Great. I just want her out.

A year ago today...

In an email to a friend back home, I wrote "I've had enough ... I'm gonna go full term and this is gonna be a big baby (3.5kg so about 7.5 lbs). It's gonna hurt like hell coming out and it's gonna rip me open :(
My accupunter says to speak to the baby and tell her she needs to come out cause otherwise they're gonna force her out and it'll be bad for mom and her. I'm trying!
I did my cooking and freezing before my sister came. We have a stocked freezer - enough to last us a couple weeks. I'd make more but we don't have any space left and our oven isn't working :(

I actually feel fine, except for the numb fingers and occasional droplet of pee that leaks out! I just want her out now. I was convinced she'd come this week but maybe not... Here, they induce after a few days over term and I really don't want that!"

Pétales fermées

A while ago, I said I'd talk more about the post-natal physical therapy. Assumingly it is done to avoid prolapse and urinary incontinence but we all know the truth : to get back into sex. Come on! We're in France, the country that uses naked women in its yogurt ads!

So, 6 weeks after giving birth, I went to the pharmacy with my prescription for a "probe vaginale" and was slightly embarrassed when I was handed a USB key with a dildo attached to the end.

My first appointment at the midwife's was interesting - she manually tested my vaginal muscles, giving a catchy name to each set : pétale, ascenseur, pont levé...who knew there were so many muscles in there! At some point during the manual exam, Suzanne decided she was hungry. The midwife didn't flinch or remove her hand - she reached over, handed me the baby, and I fed her, right there as I "closed the pétale".

The next appointment began with a manual exam and then it was time for the probe. The midwife hooked it up to the computer and told me that I was to close the doors to the ascenseur and close all the pétales while I lifted the pont levé. I should try to follow the line on the screen as closely as possible. I had 10 sessions like this, sometimes standing, sometimes lying down. And there was always a moment where the midwife did some serious multi-tasking - bouncing Suzanne on her knee as she made sure my pétales were fermées! Even I couldn't multi-task like that (although my husband would probably say that I don't multi-task as well as I think I do)!

I am thankful - in some instances - that this country is so sexual. Sex just permeates in everything here. I am glad that women are appreciated (usually), that my husband gives me compliments, that there are so many different types of yogurt... I am also glad that my hemoroids are gone and that I don't pee when I sneeze.

post partum hair

WARNING TO ALL NEW MOTHERS!
You know all that beautiful, shiny, thick hair that doesn't fall out during pregnancy? What no one ever tells you is what happens afterwards.

It's a disaster. From about a month following S's birth, there was so much hair in the drain when I showered (not only when washing my hair, but from all the hair that was stuck on my back, etc) that the water couldn't go down. It was in the sink, stuck to the baby, on the floor, in the litter box! And I thought, oh, it's ok since I didn't lose any for 9 months, I've got tons to spare.

But now, 9 months later, I am starting to see the results of all that hair loss. I have a 1 inch layer of fluff sprouting all over my head, weird bang-like things sticking out in the front that I can't do anything about and frizzy bits in the back that become curly qs when it rains.


So you know, those 9 months of beautiful hair are counterbalanced by 3 years of regrowth. Is it worth it? When new moms suggest that you get your hair cut before the baby comes, they know what they're talking about 'cause what they aren't telling you is that afterwards, not only do you not have time, but you can't do anything with your hair!