heartbreaker

It broke my heart when Suzanne started crying. she was crying because I didn't understand what she said. When I picked her up from school early yesterday, I had a special moment in mind: get a gift for papa and then go get some hot chocolate together at the café (just the big girls since she's been feeling a little jealous lately with her brother's chicken pox and various other winter viruses).

So I asked her how school was and she said, "Lor(garbled named) has already cinq ans". I asked her to repeat. So she said it again. This time I understand that someone turned 5 in her class. so I asked who. She repeated the name and I still didn't understand so I said it's someone I don't know. She then broke down in tears and said, "LORETTE!" After I managed to calm her down, I got down on my knees to look her in the eye and explained something that I think she doesn't quite realize nor understand: I don't speak French like her. I explained to my 4 and a half year old that when I was growing up in NJ, we didn't speak French. I learned some French at school but that's all. I told her that I usually understand when she speaks French but sometimes I don't so she needs to be patient with me. That's why we speak English together.

I had a brief moment of panic when I realized that this could be the first step towards the moment I dread: Suzanne's rejection of speaking English to me. If it frustrates her so much, is it worth it? Will it be more of a negative than a positive experience for her? I know that she will not necessarily reject English, and if she does, she does. But it's heartbreaking to any parent to see their kid crying...for any reason.

trains, avions and cars

Not even the French strikes could keep us away from our American vacation!

The kids and I had a more or less uneventful trip to the US, except that Suzanne fell asleep at the very end of the flight, had to be carried off by the burliest flight attendant I've ever seen (note that the Air France staff were really great and so very helfpul to me!). Once they got her in the wheel chair at Newark, she woke up slowly and by the time we reached customs, she was ready to walk. For once, the Newark customs agent was friendly. (And they didn't take my maroilles cheese...shhhh!)

In the 2 weeks we were in the US, I managed to see everyone I'd planned on seeing. Needless to say, it was exhausting. I decided not to bog the kids down with too many planned activities.

I brought Suzanne into Manhattan for the morning and lunch three days after our arrival. She was most impressed with the new playground in Union Square. As we walked from 14th Street towards 34th Street, I told her to look up at the buildings and I pointed out The Empire State, that we could up it next time whe she's a litle bigger. She said, 'Mommy, I know when I'm bigger, we can go up. But I'd like to try now." On the list for next time: Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building and the Highline (oh and that really cool ferris wheel at the Toys R Us in Times Square).

On Halloween day, we went to the Turtle Back Zoo (which has changed a lot since I had my 6th birthday party there!). It is a great little zoo, the carousel is beautiful, the train is still nice and the animals were awesome. We particualrly liked the bears and the wolves. And then we went trick or treating with my friend's little girl. Once Suzanne got the hang of it, she and H were off and running. But I was surprised about what Suzanne was intersted in. And it wasn't the candy, most of which is still sitting in a bag at home. She wanted to eat pretzels. And the next day, it was as if the candy had never happened! I was wondering if maybe she's so French that she doesn't understand the importance of Halloween loot or if watching Yo Gabba Gabba's song about not eating too much candy.

The kids had 2 weeks of total immersion in English which seemed to do them both good. I noticed after a couple days that even Suzanne's accent seemed to be changing as I know mine does. But what surprised me was that even after 2 weeks of not hearing a word of French, she still used some French words. Towards the end of the trip she had both an emotional and a linguistic meltdown when her father was on the phone. She just wouldn't speak to him, she said because "I don't know what to say." When we tried again the next day, she completely broke down because she missed him so much.

But as soon as we were back on the plane surrounded by a French speaking crew, she jumped right back into français with both pieds.

Max on the other hand, showed us that he was so unfazed by the American immersion that he decided to walk. Like for Suzanne who walked at 19 months, we are more concerned with the language development since we figure he'll walk one day anyway. But the fact that he hit this milestone during our time in the US shows that he's comfortable in an all English environment and reassures me that he will be bilingual like his sister. He came up with quite a few new words every day.

An intersting aspect when coming back after two weeks is seeing how Suzanne (and Max too probably although he can't express it the same way) can switch between languages and cultures. Although she is using a lot more English with her father, she jumped right back into French. On Tuesday at school, she and I proudly presented Halloween to her class. We taught her classmates to say "trick or treat" and scare them with a jack-o-lantern. Boo!

As for me, there are a number of reasons I know my kids are American which is reassuring:

• Suzanne only wanted to eat hamburgers; Max ate anything in sight.
• Both kids love swings which are just non-existent in Lille (and most of France as far as I can tell)
• We all loved the all-access playground at Edgemont Park.
• Suzanne made friends in the park, played with my friends' kids just like any other American kid (although I did hear her taunting in French).
  

but there are also many reasons I know my kids are French:

• When faced with a choice of 30 flavors of ice cream, Suzanne chose mint chocolate chip just like she would in France (I got cookies and cream at Applegate Farms where I worked as a teenager)
• At the zoo, Suzanne asked if she could walk on the grass.
• Both kids make funny noises with their mouths that just don't exist in English.
  

We also discovered some new TV shows. And although I don't love the idea of my kids watching TV, I have to say that Yo Gabba Gabba, while at first seems a little (lot) strange, is actually a good show that teaches kids lessons through simple, catchy songs.

Mother tongue

"Moi, je parle anglais et français. Je parle anglais parce que ma maman est anglaise". This is how Suzanne, my 4 and a half year old, explained our communication to a friend of my husband's.

Suzanne knows that I'm American. She knows I'm from New Jersey. She even knows the name of my town. But since so much of her (and our relationship) is defined by "English" , I understand that she has come to the simple conclusion that Mommy speaks English therefore is English.

It doesn't bother me. But it got me thinking about what is most important to a bilingual 4 year old. I think that my husband and I have created a balanced bilingual and bicultural home. I think we are able to provide a more or less balanced view of her dual world. And I think that Suzanne understands that our home is not "typical". Suzanne seems to have accepted that everyone is different in some way.

When I first started visiting the library with Suzanne, I remember one book in particular called What Faust Saw by Matt Ottley. In the front flap it said traduit de l'australien which made me laugh. I soon found books translated from américain which just plain annoyed me. The ex-English teacher in me always resisted the idea that American and English were different languages.

But now that my children are becoming more aware of the multilingual world around them, I see that maybe the difference between American, English, Australian... is kind of important. I see it when Suzanne speaks to me. Sometimes a perfect American sentence will come out of her mouth like, "I'm gonna eat some zucchini." And then she'll turn around and speak Charlie and Lola to me (between the ages of 2 and 3, the wonderful Lauren Child characters were kind of a fetish to her).

For the past couple of months, I've become hyper-aware of how Suzanne speaks English (or American as it were). I've realized that her English is very American which is normal since I am her main source of English. Having a little brother has given Suzanne more impetous for speaking English because she is aware of her essential role in Max's language development.

Max has a huge advantage that Suzanne did not have : conversation. Suzanne grew up hearing disjointed and disconnected conversations since I always speak English and my husband always speaks French (and we do not stray from that). Max has the two-way conversation on both sides. I have to admit that it makes me happy to hear Suzanne speaking to her little brother in English when no one's around. As with Suzanne, Max is speaking more English than French despite markedly less exposure to English than French. I guess there is a reason it's called a mother tongue. I just never realized that my children would rely so much on my own tongue.

Trilingual Max?

I didn't believe him when he said it for Suzanne. But maybe I should believe my husband this time around when he says Max's English is better than his French.

At just over 12 months, Max is still not saying much but understands a lot. He says mama, papa, buh for bird, ba for ball and makes various animal sounds (fish, lion and dog). But his mouth and body are in constant motion. As with Suzanne, I never speak directly to Max in French. He of course hears me speaking French to French speakers, but never to our family. Max clearly understands simple commands (with and without hand gestures) and questions like "come to Mommy", "do you want milk?", "dance" (he bops his head), "splash", "sleep" (he puts his head down) and "wake up". And like his sister, he seems to be very good with people and faces. He recognizes the names of all of his family (including uncles and grandparents as well as cats) in addition to close friends.

Until last week, Max was being watched by an Algerian woman who spoke to him in both French and Arabic. So, when Jerome says that Max was hearing more English than French, it may be the truth. And who knows how much Arabic Max has actually absorbed! Max started at the crèche yesterday, but I hope that the residual effects of hearing Arabic so early will manifest later.

I am happy to report that Suzanne is still speaking to Max mostly in English which provides him with that much more exposure to the minority language. We've also made great progress with reading. At 1 year old, Suzanne and I were reading books like Charlie and Lola and I Lost My Bear by Jules Fieffer (she's now beginning Roald Dahl at night!). Until last month, Max couldn't get through a page of a picture book without taking it from my hand, closing it to look at the cover, reopening to study the picture inside and reclosing it (I get the impression that he is comparing the cover picture to the picture inside). But in the past couple days, we have finally made it through 3 books (the same number I read to Suzanne every night). I find that if I mix up the types of books - a lift-the-flap, a textured book, and a book with highly contrasting drawings like Maisy - he doesn't loose interest so quickly. Lack of reading has been my main concern with Max's lanauge acquisition because I firmly believe that reading with my children is a key to their successful bilingualism.

And just because I'm a doting mother and I think my kids are so cute, here's a little picture of Suzanne and Max on vacation in Burgundy.


PS I'm looking for an American babysitter so if any of my readers know someone in Lille, leave a comment!