C.A.T spells chat

I'm strict and rigid. When I decide to do something, I do it (unless it requires food related will power). So when my husband and I decided on the OPOL approach to raising our children, I jumped in with both feet. From the moment I saw Suzanne (and then Max), I spoke to them in English. While they were in utero, I spoke to them in English. And the result is that Suzanne speaks better English than French. I attribute this to the fact that she has mainly had adult language for her English role model but has had baby French for her French role model. This imbalance has of course changed since she started school in September. She now speaks correctly in French and, to my secret delight, I've even caught her sprinkling her French with English words when speaking to her teacher and her school friends.

When Suzanne was first learning to speak, I ignored her when she spoke French. It pained me, but I did it in order to force her to speak English to me. The rule is that I never speak directly to my kids in French. It's a rule but it's also impossible for me to speak French to my kids (and my cats). I look at them and my French brain short circuits.

When I am with non-English speakers, like the nanny or the teacher, I say what I have to in English to Suzanne/Max and then repeat it in French for the other person. I also do this with Suzanne's French friends. I'm sure her friends will get annoyed at Suzanne's American mother later on, but for now they think it's funny to hear me speak English. And, so far, Suzanne isn't self-conscious speaking English around her friends although sometimes I have to remind her to speak French!

The same goes for reading. Suzanne is a bookworm and has always loved books (her second word after mom). Bedtime routine for both kids is 3 books and then dodo (one of only 3 French words I use with the kids). And since Suzanne is a book fiend, she knows which books are in French and which are in English and she knows that I will read any of them to her, in English.

Now that she can recognize letters and some words, it is becoming a problem. In fact, it already was a problem when she was recognizing a couple letters. For instance why was I saying A for apple when the first letter of the word was clearly a P (for pomme)? She can sight read some words in English (not sure if she can in French since I never read to her in French!) but it's always a little odd to see your daughter write C.A.T. and then tell her father it says chat or that M.O.M spells maman!

When we were at the park the other day, Suzanne asked me what the sign said. I asked her if she wanted me to tell her in French or English, which was a strange proposition for us both but I figured since she is interested in reading and can read some letters, I should make the effort. So, I read the sign to her in French. When I finished, there was a heavy silence, as if we both felt like we had betrayed ourselves and each other. It was a strange feeling to share with my 4 year old. Then, sensing the tension, I turned to Suzanne and said,"do you like it better when I speak English or French?" Without skipping a beat, Suzanne said, "English". So I answered, "Me too. I like speaking English better."

This has all got me thinking about how to teach Suzanne reading in English without interfering with her French. I've heard experiences from friends, read numerous books on bilingualism... But the bottom line is, I do not want to speak French to my children; I cannot speak French to my children. So how will I contribute to their education without confusing them?