Max's bilingual wiring

Coming "home' is both strange and familiar. It's funny how easily I slip back into my New Jersey accent or how relaxing it is to not have the white noise of my second language constantly filling my brain. Both Suzanne and I have adapted quickly. But Max is a different story.

Since we've been here, the kids have been practically French-free unless you count my brother in law's attempts which makes Suzanne break down in laughter. 

Somehow, Suzanne get its. We're in NJ where everyone speaks English both inside and outside the home. This is her 3rd trip here within her short memory and she knows. She has a slight lilt to her accent, but nothing about her says "I'm French" except when she peppers her words with French because she doesn't know this word or that. But Max is different. He keeps asking about our Lille landmarks like the 'broken car' near the creche. At least once a day, I hear Suzanne saying to her little brother, "the broken car is in Lille. We're in NJ."

During our trip to England in February, I noticed that Max used French to everyone outside the family. Not once did he speak English to a waiter or cashier. I thought he'd "get it" when we arrived in NJ. But something in his brain just doesn't click. Max's English is great especially for a bilingual not yet 3 year old. A couple of days ago when we visited the nursery school he'll be attending, he didn't say anything but he waved hello. That was a step. But the next day I brought him to lunch at a Mexican place.  Max ate "crepes" aka tortillas and asked if the people were speaking French. They were speaking Spanish I explained. "In NJ, most people speak English and don't speak French. So you have to speak English if you want people to understand you," I continued. On our way home, we went to get his haircut.

While we were waiting, Max was a chatter box. He went on and on about the gumball machine and the lollypop the barber promised him after his haircut.  When he finally got into the barber's chair, he didn't say a word. I watched carefully to gauge his reaction.  Max didn't make a peep. The barber and I chatted, he asked Max questions but Max didn't make a sound.

When he was done, the barber went to get Max a lollypop. I said to Max, "say thank you" as I always do. Max said, "Merci." I didn't bother insisting he speak in English because I knew he wouldn't. 

At the park, Max makes comments to other kids in French and when I remind him he needs to speak English for them to understand, he gives me a look that seems to say, "Mom, I AM speaking English!" I get the impression he is so used to speaking French outside the house that he just doesn't understand that he's not speaking the community language.

On Friday night, we went to a friend's for a party. Max was playing with a little boy his age. At first, Max spoke French, then he said nothing and by the end of the night, I actually heard a couple words of English. But yesterday, it started all over again. We went to the Delaware Water Gap where Suzanne played with some girls in the water; when Mx came over, he began speaking French again! I could hear Suzanne saying, "Max, we're not in France. you need to speak English!" And at the restaurant last night, I saw how clever Max is: when the couple next to us asked Max how old he is, rather than actually saying anything, he held up 3 fingers and answered all their other questions by shaking his head.

I'm not sure what all of this means, but I would love to be inside his head or for him to be able to explain the mechanism in his brain. But he clearly has some sort of block : the community language is English yet his brain is still translating it into French. Somehow this clear dichotomy goes along with his personality: it's either black or white. And for him, English is me, his sister and his family. English is mommy's friends. But English is NOT the woman who he buys bubbles from or the person sitting next to us at the restaurant. I also wonder how his relationship with English will develop since he clearly has an emotional rather than utilitarian link with it. 

Summer camp starts on Monday and it will be baptism by fire for Max. I'm hoping that it will click when he realizes he needs to speak English to get what he wants. But if he doesn't, my son is going to be one of the most well behaved and quietest 3 years olds ever seen at nursery school. 

French and moi

Home again, home again. Jiggety jig.

I don't actually know the rest of the nursery rhyme but that one line is all that matters, right?

We came back to rainy Lille after a week in rainy Tarn et Garonne and a week in rainy Auvergne. I will write seperate enteries on some of the things we visited because I think it's important to get the word out on the blogosphere when you see something completely awesome and cool. So there are a couple places we visited that definitely deserve their own post.

During our almost 3 weeks away, I spoke more French than I have in months. A few months ago, when I had to give a presentation in French, I noticed that my French was slipping. Although I'm still very much fluent (I don't call myself bilingual but I guess I am), it's not as smooth as it once was. While away, we spent a week with my in-laws, a week by ourselves but chatting to the neighbors, etc and then 3 days with French friends in Paris. And although I always speak English to my family, I had to speak more French than I usually do. During our last dinner in Paris, I was completely out of it, unable to follow the conversation and detached. J kept bringing me back into the conversation, but it was hard. I found it nearly impossible to follow the conversation and even hard to hear the actual words!

I never imagined that I'd live in a foreign country and not speak the language, but that's just what's happening. I could very easily go through an entire day without speaking French (with the exception of a couple senteces here and there). It's a fact that makes me a bit sad because I worked so hard to reach a high level of French (I started French when I was 5 years old). But in the same way that I no longer understand my senior thesis from college on whether a woman can become a Buddha*, today I would also be incapable of writing a thesis in French (which I once did). Language is like any other skill - if you don't use it, you lose it. So, my post vacation resolution is to read more in French. I haven't read a book in French in years, no really it's been a number of years!

With my family visiting for the next couple weeks, there will be an increase of English in the house which is great! But being with my family makes me realize how many Frenchisms I've adopted into my every day language, which is normal since I live in France. But, I trust my mother will be able to work out my English as well as the kids'.

The American in me is so strong these days, that I was picked up by M6 for a report on PAris Plage. Actually, the reporter asked me to speak in English so she could have her report on foreigners at Paris Plage. I just thought it would be cool to get my kids on TV (aka Max tv if you are a self-obsessed almost two year old).

* for the curious, a woman can become a Buddha but first she needs to transform into a man.