Friday, 20 April 2007

Ready to wean? Not really...

I get to go to a meeting in Ireland at the end of May. Yeah! Which means I need to make a decison about weaning I've been putting off. Boo. Or does it?

I've said from the start that I'd breastfeed for a year (or until Suze's top teeth come in and she draws blood). And, comme par hasard, this meeting is at the end of May, right before her 1st birthday.

I've had enough of the pumping. I hate it. I hate washing it, I hate dragging it with me to work and back. I hate having to wake up early to pump. But there are so many advantages to breastfeeding. Convenience, child's health, mother's weight loss...(oh my God, I'm gonna get fat!)

But it must come to an end at some point. But I'm not ready. And although I thought Suze was showing signs of weaning, they seem to be very small and very inconsistent signs. She is taking less from the bottle, she takes less from me. True, she loves eating solid food. But she also loves drinking my milk (must be all the spices I eat).

So, I had decided it was time. I even dropped her "I-just-got-you-after-work-must-stimulate-boobs" feeding yesterday and she didn't say a thing. But when I spoke to my mother last night, she said she left me for a couple days while I was nursing and she just expressed a bit of milk while away. In any case, your milk supply comes back quickly. So now I'm confused. Thanks Mom.

I tossed and turned all night, and I think this is why. It could also be that I watched CNN last night and am haunted by the images I saw, but that's another story.

There's so much bad in the world and breastfeeding is a good thing. Being with my baby is a good thing. These moments won't last forever. I don't want to cut them short just because it's not convenient. But on the other hand, it would be nice to have my life back...I could do a lot with the pumping time.


Pardon My French said...

Good for you! I hope I can make it to six months and then I'll see. Right now I'm trying to just get beyond the 'hey, ouch, (breathe deeply, breathe deeply)...oh, very good, baby girl!' stage. It's difficult but I really want to do this. Do you like La Leche League? Does it help?

Reb said...

The La Leche League is a great resource. the only advice you can really trust is that of other nursing moms. Not even good doctors tell you the right thing. I've been to a number of meetings here in lille and if nothing else, it makes you realize you are not alone in this. the most important thing is to trust yourself and your baby. Little E knows what she wants. The pain goes away, it takes a couple weeks, but your nips will toughen up. Hang in there and don't forget the PurLan (the only readily available cream for nips that is ingestible)!

MM said...

Yeah I think you (reb) have done fantastically well, and seeing you and Suzanne together it is clear that she is a well loved, comforted baby, I think you will know when its time to give up and whether its at now or a year will be ok, I think the six month mark is the key anything else is a bonus!
Pardon my french - It is hardwork, and will seem constant at first, especialy if you get nothing out when you pump like me - so its you or nothing! But it will stop hurting and get easier, I'm 41/2 months through now and can't believe the difference between then and now - the book called bestfeeding really helped practically and mentally for me - Good luck!!

Deb said...

I realize that it must be difficult for you to break the bond, but you have done almost a year's worth of breastfeeding/pumping. She got all the good stuff, and now you get to laugh and play with her at feeding times ("open wide, here comes the airplane!"). She'll enjoy that bonding time as well.

She's getting to be a big girl and may prefer solids as opposed to mommy's boobs. Don't feel bad though, you'll can always do it all over again when you decide to have baby #2. ;o)

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