Mal du pays...again!

It's that time of year where the white noise becomes really loud. I feel oversensitive about anything slightly anti-American, oppressed by the French way of being, and just exhausted from all the extra efforts I make on a daily basis, no matter how small. Just like every fall, I am homesick.

It's no surprise that it happens this time of year. Not only is fall my favorite season, when I think of the colors, the smell of the leave and the sound they make under my feet. But it's a season packed with holidays: Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Halloween, Thansgiving, not to mention cross-country season (I ran in college so fall was a special season for me).
Last year, I was lucky enough to get back to NJ for Hallween which was a special treat for the kids. But this year, due to the price of tickets - with two kids paying for seats - and an especially busy October at work, it just isn't possible. Trust me, I looked. I even considered going for the 5 day weekend that I will have, but tickets were 900€! Long gone are the days when I could do a round trip for under 400€ including the train from Lille to Paris. Woe is me...

I have been especially agressive with my French half. Last week,  he told me that I was rude to the salesgirl in the British store. I explained that in "my" world, I acted completely normal. I said thanks, I said bye...I just didn't sugar coat it the way the French manners dictate. And since she was speaking English to me, I didn't need to think about how I acted.

Since I am now speaking English 80% of the time, as opposed to 100% of the time like I was doing a few years ago, I've gone back to my comfort zone without realizing it. And my comfort zone is American customs and habits. Because I speak so much English, my brain has tricked me into believing that I'm not in France anymore...

No matter how long I live abroad, the feeling of being a foreigner never quite goes away. And although it takes a couple days when I get "home", a very heavy weight seems to float away... I guess, like most expats, I'm destined to live with my butt in between two chairs as the French say (les fesses entre deux chaises).

This year, I've decided to undertake a Halloween experiment. My cousin, who lived in the UK for 20 years, told me that she used to prep her neighbors so her kids could go trick-or-treating. She's go to them beforehand, give them candy and tell them to give it to her kids when they came ringing. I've decided to take it a step further and try to organize trick-or-treating in my whole street. It won't be the same as last year with my best friend and his daughter. And it definitely won't be the same as going out with my sister when we were little. But, it will fill the void. A little...