Monday, 18 January 2010

Mommies cry too

I know I'll be happy to get out of the house.
I know I'll be happy to have time away from laundry and diapers.
I know I'll be (very) happy to spend less time looking around the unfinished house, wondering how we'll ever finish it and wondering how we accumulated so much junk!
But I just feel sad right now...

When I left Suzanne this morning, she was sitting on the teacher's lap crying, holding onto my hand for dear life, saying "I want you to stay, Mommy." And when I got home, Jérôme was waiting for me with a crying Max. "He wouldn't stop crying," he said. So I took my little boy, gave him a hug. He smiled and I put him down for his morning nap.

And here I am, 2 weeks away from my return to work, wishing I could stay with my babies just a little more. I'm not asking for much really; I would hate being a stay at home mother. I do have my Wednesday - thank you France for parental leave (even if it is partial). All I want is to be able to pick my little girl up from school every day and spend a little more time with my baby, just an hour or two would be enough. I feel that I missed so much in Suzanne's first year and have now thoroughly enjoyed the time I've spent with her since my maternity leave started (in June!). And now my time with Max has run out too since he already started with the nanny last week, just part time, but by the end of the week, I will be alone (with my breast pump), and Suzanne will go to the afterschool program at her school as we all get used to the separation.

I know I'll be happy to go back to work. But all I feel right now is sad.

4 comments:

ashleyenfrance said...

Oh, I am so not looking forward to going back to work... I still have some time though, thank goodness. You are down to 80% with one day off, right? That transition has to be so hard. I wish that I could say something else, but I have yet to go back, and really don't want to, so I am at a loss...

As an aside question, what kind of breast pump do you use? My baby will be 8 months old when I have to go back but I am thinking I would like to breastfeed until she is a year old... I have a manual one, and I used a electric one when I came home from the hospital until I got her to the breast... (Although I work in an open space, no idea where I would actually p8ump... the nurses station?)

Reb said...

get yopur doctor to give you a prescription for a medela lactina plus double pompage- it's the mother of all pumps. Part or most or all should be covered by the sécu and your mutuelle (I pay nothing for mine). I used it for Suz when I went back to work when she was 3 months old and breast fed her for a year.
also, start introducing bottles soon. If you wait til after 3 months to introduce the bottle, you may have trouble.

Sarah said...

A very belated "Felicitations!" on the birth of your beautiful boy. (I have been very remiss on keeping on with blogs I planned to follow regularly.) I'm also so pleased to hear that Suzanne speaks both languages so well! You're doing a remarkable job. Good luck back at work. Gros bisous!

Touring in Brittany said...

OOOOUahhhh ! American mums are like French ones !

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