One of the advantages of being technically French is that I can complain about the French and not feel guilty about it because I am technically one of them...
So the other day when my good friend B and I were having lunch, she was talking about how ignorant people in Lille are in regards to bilingual and bicultural people. She was saying that, as a child of English parents having grown up in France, she's still amazed and annoyed at the ignorant comments people make, in particular when they are supposed to be internationallyy-minded like in a large corporation where she used to work.
And it got me thinking about my situation and how often people make silly comments to my bilingual children, usually out of ignorance although they are good natured people (I think).
For instance, every single time I go to the chicken butcher, they say without fail, "Ca doit être dificile pour eux." And without fail, I say "well, no it's actually easy for them."
Or how many times do I hear, "oh do they speak French too?" and when I respond that their French is better than their English, people look at me like I'm obviously not right in the head. How is it possible?
I may be a bit harsh, because unless you speak another language or have been exposed to bilinguals, you can't understand the mechanisms involved in being bilingual or raising bilingual kids. I can only speak for my kids (and maybe some of my friends) but we are strict with the languages and so are the kids. It's contributed to their linguistic balance and strength. And it also accounts for their reactions to the ignorant comments they hear.
For example, I read that bilingual kids associate one language per person. And I've seen this in action many times. For instance, a bilingual wife of a friend came over a while ago and for some reason Max decided she was an English speaker despite the fact that she was speaking French, her stronger langauge, to everyone. So, Max spoke to her in English. On the other hand, I also read that bilingual kids can't stand when someone tries to speak to them in the "wrong" language. Like Max's teacher...Every morning, Max's teacher says to him, with a very strong French accent, "hello, is everything good?" and at the end of the day he says, "be quiet" ie don't worry. And Max just looks at him because I don't think he 1) understands why this dude is speaking English and 2) isn't sure if it actually is English. It just doesn't compute, you know?
I'll admit that I am intolerant of ignorant people and I get my back up too easily. So when people say things to me like, "oh does he speak French too?" it pisses me off because, duh, we live in France so yes he does. Or when someone says to me in French, "Vous êtes anglaise ou américaine?" and then in repsonse to my reply they say, "ça s'entend", I get pissed off. What does that mean that I sound American? Because I'm lmoud and obnoxious? He probably just means that I don't sound English but didn't want to offend me just in case I am English. Or when the guy from aikido starts immitating my accent, I feel like punching him (but that is slightly aggressive)...
I also don't like having to defend myself...people just don't understand, or even try to understand, that raising your children bilingually requires a certain amount of rigidity. So when I'm at a social gathering, I've actually come to preface my interactions to my children with a general, "I don't mean to be rude, but my children and I communicate in English, etc etc". That's not to say that I am exclusive. When we are at social gatherings, I translate everything essential and do sometimes speak to my children in French in the third person, but never directly. I just can't. On the other hand, I understand how it could be perceived as being rude or exclusive.
So back to my original thought : Lille is provincial. I realized that despite all of the above, I don't mind Lille so much or feel how small it actually is. I don't feel restricted because I've found a job that's clearly not franco-français, where I speak English all day, have a Dutch boss, share an office with people from 3 different countries, and have been lucky enough to make friends who are either bicultural like my family or just plain open-minded.
And that is something I am really thankful for...
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7 comments:
Hmm, just thinking out loud here and this is not a criticism of OPOL but I wonder if this is an issue that only pertains to bilingual kids brought up OPOL. I wonder if bilingual kids brought up OPOL are less flexible with people speaking the "wrong" language to them.
I've never noticed this issue at all with my kids (we basically speak english at home or amongst ourselves, french at school or with french friends). They are pretty open to people speaking whatever language to them, whether its a french person trying to speak english or a native english-speaking mum speaking to them in french. They don't really care and will answer in whatever language is appropriate. They do tend to answer me mostly in english though even if I speak to them in french when we're out. Its definitely the stronger family language. Then again, my kids are older too (9 and 6 now) so perhaps that affects things and we spend a bit of time with italian family with whom we converse in french or english so I guess we dont have a rigid demarcation of which language goes with which person. You speak whatever language you need to be understood.
Penny, you're right that OPOL isn't very flexible. In our case, it's very strict but that's what works for us. I also think it is an age thing like you said - my daughter who's 6 doesn't mind so much if I say things to her in French NOW. But a couple years ago, she hated it. My son, who's 3, is very structured (anal?) and likes order in everything he does so I'm not surprised he's completely allergic to the "wrong" language. And I've become less rigid as they get older and I see that English is engrained. So maybe there's hope that I'll become more flexible too.
I really admire your commitment to OPOL so I wasn't meaning to criticize it! I hope your daughter has had a good first term in CP. Bonnes vacances!!
I wish my boyfriend could find such a nice company to work for. He's been in Lille for a few months now, and has yet to find a job. Actually, he's starting to think employers turn him down because of his being English...
Anyway, I hope your Halloween trick or treating will be successful this year too! We've had a couple of French kids ringing at the door, but they stood there, with their bags opened and didn't really know what to say! =)
My kids look at non-English speakers weird too when they try to speak English. No worries...it's usually bad English any how.
But last weekend we were at another Franco-American families house for Halloween. The wife (French) speaks fluently (married 11 years + to said American) therefore perfect English. My son went right on speaking English to her even though I mentioned many times he can speak French to her.
We live in Paris and we get it all the time too! So don't think the ignorance is just Lille. Here in the big melting pot it's the same. I am asked many many times if he speaks French or how can he do that he's only 3 blah blah blah. They are little sponges. I am amazed everyday. I wish I had a brain like that still ;-)
Yes, it's annoying when adults ask us "oh, they speak French (or English) too?", but now that my boys are older (9 and 11) they are the ones getting it from classmates who bother them with "Go on, say something in English!". It bothered my younger son so much that he sometimes became aggressive, he really didn't know what to say and thought the others were making fun of him. So we've settled on a mode of indirect attack: tell the other kid, in English, "Why don't you shut up and quit bothering me!" (or something similar)with a sweet smile, and that way everyone is happy! Of course we live in a small town in Normandy where there aren't any other (English)bilingual kids for dozens of miles around, so they are something of a curiosity. Happily, at the Collège, my older son has an English teacher who uses him as a kind of assistant to help other kids, which he really likes. Since he isn't a great student overall it is a real morale boost. The revenge of the bilingual kid!
I was brought up with two languages in the home, living in a country with a third language, in the days before anybody wrote books and theories about this. Anybody in the family spoke whatever language they wanted - father English to me, I answered in French. There were no rules, we were never made to learn to read and write in the other language. It was no big deal. Now bringing my own chikdren uo the same way (3 languages) because of where we live and my husband's nationality. At the end of the day, when they want to perfect one or the other of the languages, they will do it.
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