I like my doctor, despite the fact that he gives me bises when I arrive for an appointment. He's non-alarmist, he listens to me, trusts my maternal gut when something's not right with my kids, tries to understand where I'm coming from and is great with the kids. He's also really supportive of the way we raise our kids and their bilingualism.
That's why when he made his comment, I didn't think much of it. It was a normal check up with both kids present and they were both chattering away, back in forth between French (with him) and English (with me). I said to the doctor that I was both surprised and relieved that Max was so chatty because I'd read, heard and seen that boys speak later and not as much as girls. Not to mention the whole bilingual thing.
So Dr. R - who has a certain amount of experience in psychology - told me about the elevator theory. That if you ride an elevator up 20 floors with a French person, you won't know anything about them. But if you ride an elevator up 20 floors with an American, you'll know what they do, what their name is, where their from...I corrected him of course because you probably wouldn't know the American's name. Dr. R said that maybe the kids speak more because they are more American than French.
When we left, I thought, "hm interesting." Jerome has already brought up a similar point ie I speak more than him so the kids are loud and talkative like me and not soft spoken and taciturn like their Papa.
But that doesn't explain the quiet American kids or the loud and annoying French kids.
Yes, I am loud. Yes, my kids are loud. Yes, we are very loud together...much louder than the French part of the family. But I wonder if my doctor's comment was offensive or insightful. Because Dr. R is not like THAT.
So is it nature or is it nurture?
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4 comments:
Nahhh...I think it is because you are their Maman ;-) Hence the phrase "Mother Tongue". We are mothers and communicate more and spend more time with them daily. Therefore they mimic us. But don't worry their little personalities will change once they are exposed to more people at school etc...
Your doc just said a stereotypical American thing to you...
One of my French Husband's coworkers (French) told my husband that American's are like Peaches soft of the outside but hard on the inside (the nut). And the French are like Coconuts hard on the outside but sweet once you reach the center. Same comment I guess...
Don't worry about it too much...I think it would be best if they were a mix of the two ;-) Which they are French and American like my son best of both worlds!
I do notice my daughter's English voice is a bit louder and sing-songy (the way I speak), whereas when she speaks French it's in slightly more hushed tones. Imitating what she hears, I suppose. The whole elevator thing in France IS funny 'cause there's this expectation to say "au revoir" at the end but you often don't say a thing during the ride. I however do often chat if I'm feeling so inclined. Maybe Americans are a bit more extroverted in those types of situations.
My father in law in 100% French, but would fit the American stereotype there! He'll chat up anyone and everyone and spend 5 minutes discussing the weather with the cashier at the grocery store. And then there's my mother-in-law, who might not talk to the other person in the elevator even if they were stuck there for hours.
Considering my husband is like his dad and his brother like their mom, it's gotta be a mix of nature and nurture for how chatty you are.
I agree with everyone you all said. and I definitely agree that it is "mother tongue" for a very obvious reason. There's a reason my son says milk and not lait ;)
I also think there are sterotypes for a reason. And although I try not to generalize, I guess Americans do tend to be louder...and the American talk is definitely more present at the dinner table than the French (Suzanne and I take up a lot of espace sonneur as my husband calls it).
But what all your comments bring me back to is this: it's all a mix of things, cultures, nature, nurture...and that's what makes us all great!
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