It's 4.20 am. I'm 38 weeks pregnant (according to the French) with the arrival of baby boy being more or less imminent since what's more imminent than knowing that by August 16th, whether you or your body like it, your unborn son will be extracted from your body one way or another...
But I can't sleep. I'm tired. But I can't sleep. The cat woke me up. My husband woke me up. I slept on my left, I slept on my right. But in the end, I just got up because my unborn son stretched out some limb and unnaturally distended parts of my stomach that can be stretched no more...
I feel worried. Or not really. My brain just feels tired and so does my body. Growing a human is amazing but I'd really just like to meet him already and get past those first 3 horrible months that I know await us (but mostly me since, let's be honest here, men just don't do as much as women in this whole birthing/new born thing). And like most things in life, what worries me most is that I'm not worried (or maybe I am worried but I'm repressing it? I just need to worry to feel better but I'm not worried so I feel worse).
But there's so much to worry about - will Suzanne hate me for bringing home a little brother? Or will she hate me anyway because teenage girls hate their parents at one point or another? Will my son be colorblind (50% odds that he will be)? Will we actually get everything finished in time for his arrival (probably but still I should be more stressed about the fact that his room is still empty, he has no bed and his clothes are in plastic bags strewn across various rooms of the house)? Will I find a childcare provider I like for him so I can go back to work in January? And I haven't even touched on the whole bilingual thing, breastfeeding, the stress a newborn puts on a marriage or the actual physical changes my body has gone through and I'd really like to reverse rather quickly...
So much to worry about, yet, I'm not worried. Just can't sleep. Uncomfortable. Impatient. And wide awake...oh how I'd love to be headed to Nantucket (my childhood summer haunt) for a week of biking, beach and ice cream.
So the question is what should keep you awake at night but doesn't?
And just for a moment of humor...
4 comments:
Very funny video!
You shouldn't worry (or not)... Take time for yourself while you still can and relax ;)
Ouf, I hate that part of pregnancy, when you can't sleep but you know you need it to get ready for the onslaught.
Will someone be around to help out with your daughter when your little boy arrives? That helped my older son immensely -- my mum came for more than a month and he was her baby while me and the little boy got into a groove. Two and a half years later, the boys are still great friends.
Bon continuation!
I hope that your baby comes on his own, soon, and that you will be able to sleep to your heart's content when your children have grown up and gone off to college--it usually takes that long, right?
I hope that you and he are healthy and that you will have lots of support while the whole family gets into a new routine that includes another little person.
Try to distract yourself with some music you love or a bit of levity and don't wear yourself out with excessive worry over things that have yet to occur.
Happy labor and birth in the very near future.
PS...Your reference to the joy of French healthcare was right on time because that was the subject of Prez Obama's national address last night. I swear I'll fall down weeping if this backward nation ever gets nationalized medical care for its citizens.
Amitiés,
thanks for all the well wishes! My mother is coming on Tuesday, followed by my father, and then my sister at the end of the month so Suzanne will have lots of company.
I'm still hanging in there, just impatient and a little nervous...
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